So, when I was much younger, I would often find myself trying to explain a very specific feeling to my friends… hoping someone might know the feeling and therefore understand. There was this thing I’d do. I’d start considering the universe…. The universes. The idea that the world is soooo much bigger than me. It would make me physically dizzy and mentally dizzy too. It felt like this sudden, big, huge, HEAVY realization… but happened every time I thought of the “what else is out there?”

As an adult, I find myself in a similar thought pattern, and the pattern is now holding. Every now and then, I start to get worried about losing my mind. I think “wow, seems like it could just happen at any moment.” I wonder if I just suddenly stopped actively keeping my mind together, would I lose it? Would I know I was losing it? Would it be like being trapped in a mind that wasn’t really yours? The mind seems so…. Fickle. Like it could give out at any time and no one would even bat an eye about it. These thoughts put me into that same feeling, that heavy realization… physically and mentally.

What if I’ve already gone crazy and this is just what it’s like in the part of this brain I exist in?