I wish you weren’t dead

I hate that you’re not here

I hate that every time anyone mentions missing you, it makes me uncomfortable… because then I have to think about the fact that you are gone

I hate that I can’t call you and ask for your help or ideas

I hate that I can’t text you to settle a movie trivia debate that I surely would have lost

I hate that every time I see your children, I just want to cry knowing they didn’t get enough time with you

I hate that it hurts so bad to know you left with so many of our shared memories… that we will never get to talk and laugh about as little old people

I always imagined us at family parties when we were old, talking about growing up together as we watched our grandkids play, just like our grandparents once did

I always imagined my kids being so close with you and your kids as they grew up, being best friends, even closer than we were…. Them being more like siblings than cousins

I always imagined a world with you in it and now that you’re gone, I just imagine life if you weren’t dead.